Only Boundaries
by xClarityx
Summary: Her memories have been buried so deep that Katsumi doesn't remember much of what happen before the academy. Glimpse of the past cause Katsumi to go days without sleep and have her become defensive over ability to perform her duties fearing of being put back into the past. These walls have become tall & strong but who will breach these walls first? RenjixOC & OCxHisagi
1. Chapter I: I Can't do this Alone

Author's Note: So I'm doing a challenge I was given on Tumblr by an Anon the message said: "Try to make a fanfic based on one Album or one Artist who you just found. This fanfic cannot revolve around Ichigo. The artist should have less then 30 songs. And each chapter should be inspired by ONE song. The characters do not have to fall in love but I guess that is up to you based on the artist you pick." The artist who I just found yesterday (July 17th 2013) is called Balance & Composure. The song I used in this chapter is _I Can't Do this Alone_. I will try to put the title of the song as the Chapter name.

* * *

Chapter I: I Can't do this Alone

We grew up together, this girl and I. She shared the same life that Rukia at least that is what she tells me.

When Rukia graduated early because of her new noble title as a Kuchiki and became a member of the 13th division; this girl who I saw fending for herself on the streets entered the academy. She was polite, she never spoke out of turn unless she felt threatened. What made me come to her rescue that day wasn't anything to get her to like me but to help her feel safe, because even though we were off the streets there will always be men who think it is okay to take advantage of a woman.

That day reminded me a lot of when I met Rukia and she helped that kid out by giving him food. I learned from Rukia that it is not about me but rather the others around me.

I saw kindness in her blue eyes, she was nervous around me at first, but as time went on I guess she realized I wasn't the same. In the Academy she was recognized by our professors, she had a resolve that matched her strength, no one knew what drove her to fight like that; to be honest I don't even think she knew. She was always excited to learn and stood up at night to practice what she learned.

She rose to the top of our class when it came to kido and eventually graduated with us even though she was a year behind. We were in the same division for awhile until she was moved to the 8th Division.

-.-.-.-.-.-

"Captain?" I said as I knocked on his door lightly.

"Yes, yes, come in my sweet Katsumi." I heard Captain Shunsui Kyoraku call in warm and welcoming tone.

I opened the door and saw Captain Kyoraku sitting down at his wooden desk with a cup of Sake in hand and a smile on his face. Whenever I saw him he was always smiling and chasing after Vice Captain Ise even though she always tells him no, he continues to chase after her; I believe he likes the challenge.

I closed the door behind me and admired his room, it was always lit by soft lighting, a chair in front of his desk, and behind him were shelves filled with many different flavors of Sake. Some books sat at the base of the shelf.

"Would you like some Sake?" He asked me as he took the bottle from the desk behind him.

I bit down on my bottom lip and thought about it. "Sir 3rd seat Tomoya said this meeting was important."

"Eh, well it's more of a check in." He said trying to ease my nerves.

I kept my posture straight and my breathing steady, but I was nervous. Captain Kyoraku always did check ins every couple of months and when he did them it was always when we were on duty. He took about a two hour break from doing his work and came to visit us whenever we were on guard duty. But what shook me was that I had my check-in last week.

_What could he possible want now? Did I do something bad? _

"Relax, I just want to talk." He said again.

"But sir, I don't mean to be rude but we did a check in not so long ago." I swallowed hard and made the most legitimate excuse I could.

"That is true." He said with a sigh. "Think of this as just a talk, okay? You don't have to stay if you don't want to."

I was given the option to flee and just bunker down in my room. But I didn't want it to seem as if I was hiding something. I took a deep breath and nodded.

"How have you been doing?"

"Alright, I guess." I smiled.

"How do you like the 8th division?" He asked me.

"I like it a lot, laid back, and calm." I answer letting out a yawn. "I'm sorry."

"No need to apologize. Have you been sleeping lately?" Captain asked his tone of voice changed it was full of worry.

"Not really." I shrugged it off and switched my gaze to the hard wooden floor.

"How long has it been since you've last had a good nights sleep?"

"Maybe about 3 days I-" I cut myself off and realized where this was going.

It was going down the same path it did during our last check in, I let things slip out, about me having problems sleeping because of nightmares and he tried to get me to talk about them. I didn't feel comfortable disclosing personal issues and even though Captain Kyoraku has been like a father to me he is still my captain and I did not want to make it seem like I'm not mentally fit for duty.

"Captain with all due respect we spoke about this before." I said snapping out of my daze.

"Katsumi, I know you have this thing going on and I just wanted to address it. I understand you're a bit hesitant about it. But I just want to understand it and most importantly you." He said trying to comfort me.

"Captain it is okay; it isn't going to affect my duties. I am fit to do anything you need me to do." I said almost pleading for him to stop pushing.

"Is that what you are worried about? About me putting you on the side lines for duty? I know you can handle yourself pretty well, I have seen you do so. You are an a great fighter. There are just times that Nanao and I have seen you...not at your best to say the least."

"I'm just tired is all sir, it is nothing major." I replied trying to put a smile on my face.

A heavy sigh escaped from his mouth and he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Okay, I guess I'm not going to force you to talk. But the least I can say is keep yourself healthy. The last thing I want to see is my adorable Katsumi in the infirmary again." he teased with a smile.

I let out a nervous laugh and bowed to him. "Goodnight Captain." I left his office my heart pounding as if I just ran a race for my life.

"Just tired? Really now."

I heard a deep male voice say. I let out a long sigh, _Renji. _

"Why are you here?" I asked as I took a deep breath and turned to my right to see my red headed 6 foot something friend leaning against the wall. "Listening in on my conversation?"

"No, just curious as to where you ran off to since we were suppose to go out tonight."

_Fuck._ I had forgotten that Vice Captain Rangiku Masumoto invited everyone out for drinks. Though I am not a friend of hers, she invited me out to get to know me more. She knew bits and pieces about me from Renji but as far as I know she thinks I work all day and don't go out. Which is true.

"I am so sorry. Captain Kyoraku wanted to have an _talk _with me and things just got a bit messy." I tried to make sense of my scrambled thoughts.

"It is okay, I spoke with her and she said it was fine. She was a little bit saddened that you couldn't make it but she'll get over it." I started to walk away from Renji because staying in one place made me nervous. He followed by my side. "What do you mean by _messy_?"

"I wasn't straight forward, I was dodgy. He asked about things and I didn't want to appear like someone who wasn't mentally fit for duty and be put on the sidelines." The words spilling out of my mouth like a hungry dog attacks meat.

"Slow down a bit, I can't understand a word of what you are saying." Renji said putting his hands on my shoulders.

"He ask me about my sleeping habits, asked what was causing them and I just faded out. I didn't want to answer and have him put me on the sidelines or worse put me in another division. Then he mentioned the infirmary instance and it just made me dodgy." I tried to slow down and relax but I could still feel his spirit pressure sounding me, all I felt was worry and concern.

"Kat, he is your captain he has a right to make sure you are okay. The days at the infirmary were a bit concerning because you just collapsed. All because you were stressed out. He doesn't know a thing about you or your past so he wants to understand you. Just like Nanao you are a challenge to him, all the other girls in the division willingly tell him everything but you're different."

_No one knew about my past, not even Renji. We just tossed everything aside and we came to an agreement that we wouldn't force the other to talk about their past until they were ready. Renji lets things slip but he is comfortable talking about it. As for myself, it wasn't that easy. I tried to think ahead, think of an answer to questions that could possibly be asked._

"I just don't want to fuck up. I don't want to end up somewhere that makes me unhappy." I said softly.

"Captain Kyoraku knows you are strong and he knows you are training everyday to get stronger. Just don't push yourself too far. " I felt Renji squeeze my right shoulder a little bit.

I stopped and tilted my head back and saw him looking down at me with a smirk.

"Don't freak yourself out." He said pushing me forward.

I groaned rolling my eyes. "Yes sir."

I stared up into the night sky and saw clouds covering the stars and partially the moon.

-.-.-.-.-.-

"You know there are times that I wonder what would have happened if I didn't go to the academy." I heard her say as she stood outside of her room. "You know I still think about that day you helped me."

I remember like it happened yesterday, being beaten and taking advantage of by the male upperclassmen. They had no respect for her, they pulled at her uniform trying to take it off. I hated the fact that they used their class standing to get to her, but what made my blood boil was the fact they abused her, those who hit women do not deserve to breathe. I grabbed the guy who was pulling at her uniform and punched him in the face, it gave her enough time to push the others back.

"You didn't have to help me but you did, who knows what could of happened if you didn't help." She trailed off, you could hear the depression working it's way to the surface in her voice.

_Could her past be doing this to her, making her weak and depressed?_

I squeezed her shoulder. "Come on don't wallow in the past."

"I don't like this. Being tired." She replied her voice soft as she yawned.

_Tired of what?_

"Renji!" I heard someone call my name.

A sigh escaped her lips and she pulled away from me as Shuuhei showed up.

"Renji why didn't you come to Rangiku's party?" Shuuhei asked before assessing the situation. "Hey Kat how are you doing?"

_Kat? That was a nickname I used for her, of course she hated that I used it but she used pineapple head whenever she was mad at me. _

"Hello Vice Captain Hisagi, I'm alright." her tone completely changed, before Shuhei showed up she sounded broken as if she was sad and now it sounds as if she is holding back from storming into her room.

"Come on, we've been friends long enough. No need for all the formalities" Shuuhei replied as he rubbed her head messing up her jet black hair. The scent of Sake was strong and his face was a bit flustered.

"Shuuhei stop." I said pushing him away putting distance between him and Kat.

"Come on I'm just saying hello." Shuuhei pushed at me.

"I'm going to bed." She announced as she entered her room and slammed the door shut.

_Dammit._

"What the hell? Are you that drunk that you couldn't see we were hanging out?" I snapped.

"You could of done that at the party. Maybe she would have loosen up a bit more and you could have made your move."

"Made my move? What the hell are you talking about?" I said in a mix of confusion and anger.

"Nothing. Come on let's go to the party." Shuuhei dodged the question.

"No I'm gonna stay here." I replied going to knock on her door.

"Leave her be and go check on her in the morning."

-.-.-.-.-.-

Their spiritual pressure disappeared and I was left alone. I let out a sigh and started to undress myself, my uniform stood at my feet as I looked in the mirror and looked at my bandaged wrist and hips.

_Your depression shows when you talk about home._  
_You said: "I can't wait to leave this town and go away on my own"._

_It's hard to get by these days,_  
_it goes on and on until I'm breaking._

_Gentle on the reviews please. :)_


	2. Chapter II: Pull of The Ground

Author's Note: Thanks for coming back. If you are unfamiliar with the challenge I am doing you should read the Author's Note at the head of the previous chapter. The song I used in this chapter is _Pull of The Ground_ by Balance & Composure. I will try to put the title of the song as the Chapter name.

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Chapter II: Pull of The Ground

The party ended around 3am and I had to get up for duty at 8am, though I knew she was fine I wanted to visit Kat. She has to understand Shuuhei did not mean to upset her last night but she was in a bad mood to begin with. I flash stepped pass my quarters, pass the 7th Division quarters, and stopped in front of her room. Though I found myself trying to knock I felt as though it could wait until tomorrow. I stood in the front of the door and let out a sigh, maybe she's awake. I peered into her dark room from her window and saw her lying on her bed staring at the off-white ceiling that was decorated with glowing stars.

"Vice Captain Abarai, you should go back to your quarters." I heard someone tell me.

I looked around and saw Captain Kyoraku leaning on the wooden railing a few feet away from me.

"Sorry Captain Kyoraku. I was just-" he cut me off before I finished.

"Spying on my adorable Katsumi? Planning to take her away from me?" His voice teasing poking fun.

"No Captain! It's not like that." I sighed.

"Then what?"

"Nothing sir." I sighed and ran my fingers through my red hair.

I guess it is the Sake talking.

"You should go back to your quarters. I can smell the sake on your breath." he commented.

I nodded and did as he said.

_Though Kat did drink, I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable around me knowing I had a few more then normal. Something about it put her on edge._

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Days had past and still no sleep, I always felt Captain Kyoraku's presence surrounding me whenever I was on duty. It was a bit frustrating because I always did my best to stay up and keep guard. Things were great, I never fell asleep or closed my eyes for one second.

But as soon as I was relieved of my post I always found myself to be groggy and I would try to sleep but sleep didn't come easy.

Even though the sun rose I was still tired, my eyes lids felt heavy. I just want one night where I can just close my eyes and sleep tight.

I stretched and yawned. I climbed out of my bed and took a shower, carefully cleaning the wounds and rewrapping them once I was done. I put on my shihakusho, black frilly skirt and a long sleeved shirt with a open back just like Captain Soifon and slipped on my shoes. My hair was nothing but a mess, so I ran my fingers through it and tied it into a pony tail with a blue ribbon. Pieces of hair fell onto my face and I groan in frustration.

A light knock came on my door and I let out a growl. Not because of the knock but because I was grumpy. No one can maintain happiness let alone sanity after days without sleep.

"Open." I groaned.

I looked in the mirror and saw Shuuhei close door behind him.

"What do you want Vice Captain Hisagi?" I asked anger and annoyance flowed out.

"Look the other night I was drunk and I came to apologize. I'm not normally like that and you know that." He rubbed the back of his head. "Rangiku thought it would be a great idea for me to just loosen up a bit. I know that night was bad for you and Renji explained that to me."

I studied him and smiled. "Fine."

"Care to fill me in on what happened?" Shuuhei asked

"What do you mean?" I asked looking over at him finally breaking my gaze from the mirror as if I was Perseus looking at Medusa through his shield so he wouldn't fall victim to her stare that would turn him to stone.

"What were you talking to Renji about the other night?"

"It is none of your business." I shook my head.

_Unlike Renji; Shuuhei and I did not have the same deal. He pressed me to answer his questions. _

"Kat, what did Captain Kyoraku ask about? Your sleeping patterns?" He questioned.

"Shuuhei stop." I said in calm tone as I pushed him out of the way to leave my room.

Shuuhei followed me and kept pressing me. But I just shrugged it off and kept walking, my vision became blurry but I was able to blink that away it was a Con that happened when I was on my 4th or 5th day without sleep.

I felt Shuuhei take my hand and pull me back lightly.

"Hey." I snapped.

"What is going on with you?"

Shuuhei was never the type to show concern, he was always about business. Very mature and I believe that was all because he was Vice Captain to Captain Tosen Kaname.

_Personally Shuuhei only showed his carefree side when he was with friends. Shuuhei and I didn't bump heads a lot unlike Renji and I. We had a rocky friendship, it wasn't like how my friendship with Renji was. We laughed and spent a small amount of time together but never outside of business. Renji seemed to make it his job to take me out and show me things I've never seen before. _

"Nothing. I'm just tired and stuff." I snapped, I tried to pull away but I stumbled almost falling to the wooden floor.

"I understand that but there is something you're not telling me."

_Something they both shared: They were stubborn like a mule. But I guess it was a defense mechanism for something._

"Come on leave it." I said playfully pushing him away while inside my heart was racing and all I wanted to do was get away.

_We became friends through Renji, but before that I always saw him in the academy even though I wasn't a student just yet. _

"I'm not going to just leave it. I can tell it really bothers you because just the thought of talking about it puts you on guard. You can tell by the way you look at the ground and avoid eye contact with the person you are speaking with as if you are ashamed to talk about it."

_Thing is what scared me the most was that he could read me like a book and he abused that power. I could never lie to him or hide anything from him because he would never just 'let it go'. It was never simple with Shuuhei, he hated being lied to, he hated being used, and most of all he hated when he felt defenseless. Those were things I learned the hard way._

"Why are you going to continue to push me to talk about it if you can clearly read my body language. If my body language tells you I'm uncomfortable then you should listen and leave it be."

"I'm pushing you because-" he sighed. "I can tell in your eyes you want to talk about it. That you want someone to listen and not judge you. You want someone to make you feel sane even though you think otherwise."

My heart dropped and even though I had things I wanted to say my mouth opened and nothing came out.

"You shut down when someone brings up your sleeping patterns because you are afraid to tell them about the nightmares that have haunted you for years now."

I tried to push him away, I tried to get him to release me from his grip but it didn't work. I wanted to cover my ears and just stop listening all together. I wanted to leave.

"You need to get up off the ground and dust yourself off. Yeah things might be hard but you have people to talk to about that. Things life that don't always come easy."

I stared at the ground feeling, I started to shut down. I tried pushing him away again but to no avail. My heart began pounding, I felt as if I was just going to snap.

"How do you even know all of this!? You act as if you've known me for a long time. Stop pretending!" I snapped annoyed because I felt like a hostage.

"Stop being naïve-" as soon as the words escape his mouth my body started to feel hot, his words stung and I wasn't going to let him get away with it. I started to flex my right hand and finally punched him square in the face when I felt my body go numb. Normally I could control my anger but I felt cornered, words normally wouldn't hurt but there is only so much one can bare.

"Don't you ever call me naïve! You have no right to make such an assumption! Just because you hold a higher ranking than me doesn't give you any right to call me naïve. You can take you apology and shove it where the sun doesn't shine because I am done. Calling you my friend was a mistake because obviously our friendship wasn't that strong of a bond for you to use such a word so loosely."

It has been awhile since I've felt my blood boil like that, since I've felt this angry that I felt like shedding tears.

_Renji was the one who taught me how to punch someone that hard, he was also the one who told me to stand up for myself even if it was against my friends._

I felt Captain Kyoraku's spirit pressure rapidly approaching and I fled the scene to the river right outside of the 13th Division. I wasn't scared of reactions or even nervous, my feelings were just gone.

_I could have dealt with that in a better manner but why did that word sting so badly? Why did I suddenly feel numb as if I've felt that way before cornered?_

The water of the river was clear and I watched as fish swim against the flow of water. The surrounding area was beautiful so many tall, green trees, and flowers in certain areas that the Sun could reach them. A truly beautiful site.

At first I sat down by the river but eventually collapsed back and stared at the clear blue sky. I groaned and started to question myself and doubt myself even though I know deep down I feel like I did the right thing.

"Amazing site huh?"

"Yeah it really is." I peered behind me and saw Vice Captain Izuru Kira. I quickly stood up and smiled.

"Sorry." I quickly said.

"Why are you apologizing?" he asked with a hint of confusion.

I shrugged and put my head down. "I don't know. I guess it became a permanent part of my vocabulary after apologizing so much."

"You are Shuuhei's friend are you not? Katsumi Nakamura apart of the 8th division 10th Seat right?"

I nodded and kept my head down.

"You are also the one who struck him a few moments ago."

I nodded and bit my bottom lip. "It was a physical reaction to his words."

"That much I know. When I arrived on the scene after feeling your burst of spirit pressure I decided to check it out. He did have quite the bruise but he said he deserved it even though he let out a long string of curses."

"Did anyone else arrive on the scene Vice Captain Kira?"

"Well, Vice Captains, Abarai, Ise, Hinamori, Matsumoto, and Captain Kyoraku."

My nervousness started to peak as Vice Captain Kira listed off names. I felt my knees buckle underneath me and caused me to collapse.

"It's okay Izuru I got her." I heard my captain say as he approached; by his said was Captain Ukitake of the 13th Division

"Yes sir." Vice Captain Kira left without another word to me

"Katsumi..." he trailed off as he sat by my side.

"Captain I didn't mean to cause trouble. I'm sorry it's just that I felt cornered and I just hit him. I'm sorry Captain Kyoraku, I know I caused a horrible scene and drew a lot of attention. I'll take whatever punishment you give me." I swallowed hard. "I'm sorry."

"Punish you for what?" He chuckled. "You defended yourself and quite well I might add. I heard everything; as far as I know it was in self defense and Shuuhei takes full blame for the trouble."

I peered up at saw Captain Kyoraku smiling along with Captain Ukitake.

"Do you wish to speak privately?" Captain Ukitake asked.

"It depends on the little lady."

I thought about it for a minute before nodding my head. Captain Ukitake's spirit pressure faded away leaving just me and Captain Kyoraku.

"Are we finally going to talk or you going to leave me hanging, so to speak?" He chuckled.

"I'm sorry Captain things have been crazy the past few nights." I picked up my head and looked at my Captain, I rubbed the back of my neck before looking at the green grass below us. "Sleep is something that doesn't come to easy because of the nightmares I've been having. I don't know the proper diagnosis but it has been bad."

"How do you keep yourself awake? I know you have gone about 5 days without sleep so far."

"Coping with it has been hard I won't lie." I glanced at my wrist that were covered by the sleeves of my backless shihakusho. "But its' kept me awake."

I glanced up and saw his eyes narrow but then softened. "I know things have been hard and I won't lie to you and tell you I understand. But I _will_ tell you I am here to talk or even give you sake." He chuckled. "The mind will always be our worst enemy left unconquered it can run amok and cause trouble. However if you choose to fight back it can become a strong ally in fights to come. Things will get harder but with time they get easier when you find out way to fight back."

Captain Kyoraku stood up and reached out his hand, I hesitated before reaching up and taking his hand. Without a struggle he pulled me up as if I was as light as a feather.

"Take advantage of the sources you have around you and I'm always in my office." He said softly. "You do not need to hurt yourself to make you feel alive or awake." The last words he said hit home, he tipped his sakkat and left me alone by the river.

"Thank you, Captain."

_And I'll go on the rest of my life,_  
_but I'll know that things can't get any worse._

Gentle on the reviews please, but feel free to comment.


	3. Chapter III: Seahorses

Author's Note: Thanks for coming back. If you are unfamiliar with the challenge I am doing you should read the Author's Note at the head of chapter I. The song I used in this chapter is _Seahorses_ by Balance & Composure. I would also like to thank **NekoMinty** for Favoriting & putting Only Boundaries on her list of story to get alerts from. I would also like to thank **StephanieLockedInTheTARDIS** for putting this on her alert list as well.

* * *

Chapter III: Seahorses

I looked at Kat and saw sadness in her eyes whenever she looked at me.

Captain Kyoraku and I had this odd discussion I have yet to bring up to her in fear of her distancing herself even more from Kyoraku and myself.

_"How long has she been like this?" Kyoraku asked as he walked by my side._

_"Awhile now. Ever since I met her, course she didn't bring it up until we were out together with Shuuhei on a overnight mission. She was embarrassed to admit it to me or even Shuuhei for a very long time."_

_"Did she sleep that night?"_

_"No, her and Shuuhei stood up all night." I sighed. "No disrespect sir, but why all the questions?"_

_"Just trying to figure somethings out Abarai. She's been on edge lately and it is unlike her."_

Kat was uncomfortable but I wanted to bring this up to her.

"Kat, if you were in trouble would you tell me?" I asked her carefully watching her shift around.

There was silence between us and I felt myself staring at her face and then her wrist. I had my suspicions but I couldn't confirm them.

"Yeah." she finally said.

_Why lie? Why lie to me? We've been down this road many times before but she always shuts down._

"Look. I know things aren't easy." I started to give her a pep talk but she waved me off. She took a deep breath and rolled up her sleeves.

"Mistakes and the unknown have dragged me down."

I looked at her wrist bandaged.

_Why not just come to me? Ask for help there is no weakness in asking for help. _

"Train me."

_In what?_

-.-.-.-.-

How does she want me to train her? She excels at kido, but not so much swordsmanship at least that is what I heard. No one has seen her fight not even Captain Kyoraku.

I met her at the training grounds within the 8th Division. It reminded me a lot of the dojo underneath Urahara's shop back in the Real World.

"She has a lot of potential. I'm glad she finally asked for help." Captain Kyoraku's voice startled me at first but I soon relaxed.

_She has a lot of potential. In my honest opinion she deserved a higher rank. But Captain Kyoraku already seated her and I was in no place to judge his actions. _

"Yeah she does." I answered honestly.

"Keep her safe Renji." Captain Kyoraku advised.

"I will sir."

He was gone and Kat appeared a few seconds later with her zanpakto in it's sheath at her side. It was a little bit longer than Captain Ichimaru's zanpakto but it was too short to be considered a katana.

"Ready?" She asked as she got into fighting stance.

I readied myself and brought out Zambimaru in his sealed state. She launched herself forward; I went on the defense ready to block an attack but she just flipped over me I quickly turned around.

"Hado 54: Haien." I heard her say, the purple spirit energy formed and went straight for me I quickly dodged and looked at her in confusion.

"When did you learn how to use Haien?"

"Vice Captain Kira has taught me a few things." she replied with a sly smile.

I could see that it weakened her just a bit because Haien was a high spell, but normally it would have weakened her more but she must have been training with him for a while.

I smiled and ran toward her, she studied me but I flashstepped out of sight and to her right where there was an opening to attack.

"Seki." she said quickly jumping back a few feet as Zabimaru clashed with the round shield which cracked with the amount of pressure I put on it. With the destruction of the shield it caused dirt from the rocky battle ground to rise, giving me coverage to attack. As I ran forward I saw her come out of cloud of dirt.

"What the fuck?" Zabimaru clashed with her zanpakto and I saw a smile appear on her face. She jumped up and flipped back.

"Sho."

I jumped back a few feet and jumped up for her. Our Zanpakto's clashed once again.

"I see you haven't had a chance to purchase a new glasses yet. You always cover up your tattoos on your forehead."

"Yeah, still saving up for a pair."

"Shame. I think you look cute without them." she teased.

I felt my face get hot. I dropped my guard for a second and she use that to her advantage and launched another spell.

"Shakkahou."

At close range the kido knocked me back about 15 feet and burned apart of my uniform. I charged forward to attack, caught off guard I managed to cut a bit of her back.

"You should never turn your back to an enemy."

Our Zanpakto's kept clashing and she enjoyed the fight. But the more she used her kido the more you can see the toll it took on her physically. She was getting tired but she pressed on.

"Let me ask you something. Why did you think hurting yourself was the way to go?"

I could see she was taken off guard but nonetheless she tried to hide it.

"It kept me awake and it kept the nightmares away. I know this sounds sick but it kept me alive." She shrugged it off and swung her zanpakto at my chest causing me to swiftly dodge it.

"What do you mean when you say it helped you stay alive?"

"When I was in the academy I was always in a daze. It was hard for me to focus and concentrate. I was always stuck trying to figure out what the hell happened in the past. But that was nothing but a distraction so it helped snap me back into reality."

I looked at her and not only could I see the physical exhaustion but also the mental exhaustion. She was breathing heavy and her blue were watery. Despite the fact that she was tired she charged forward, I blocked with Zabimaru and pushed her back causing her to slide back a few feet, she lost her balance and fell onto the floor.

I ran to her side and saw the frustration in her eyes. The dirt on her face showed that she tried hard, but she also showed a wide smile. Something I haven't seen for awhile.

"In all honesty, I gave up a lot of hope when I was in the academy. With the ambushes by the older guys, it really made me feel as if I shouldn't go on. But I really wanted to make it, make it into a division and prove everyone wrong. Prove to myself that I can always go forward so long as I tried."

_She had all the willpower to go forward but she was always being dragged down but her own problems._

I picked her up off the ground, our eyes locked and she tickled the palm of my right hand with her fingers. I smiled and put my arm around her and bought her closer to me she laughed and pushed away and flashstepped. My face felt hot but I was unaware if my face was actually red.

"Come on let's race, last one back to my room buy drinks later on." she yelled.

_This was a side I wasn't use to seeing. She is so hyper and happy, did training really help her? Odd. _

I nodded and flashstepped forward pushing to hopefully catch up to her and make her nervous. To be honest I wouldn't mind buying the drinks later on tonight so long as she was happy. As I got closer I saw Kat bump into Shuuhei and fall onto the floor.

-.-.-.-.-.-

"Shit, I'm so sorry." I said looking at the girl who was laying on the ground rubbing her head.

The ivory skinned girl with her black hair in a messy ponytail looked up at with her big blue eyes.

"Kat! Are you alright?" I heard Renji ask from afar.

"Yeah I think so." She groaned. "Vice Captain Hisagi." Her words like stung like venom from a snake.

"Katsumi, I'm sorry. I was out of line the other day. I would never call a friend naive but the word just slipped my passed my lips."

"You should think before you speak." she hissed.

"I did. I just didn't mean it to sound so harsh."

"Naive is generally a harsh word." she countered crossing her arms along her chest.

Renji got closer to us and I decided I needed to get this apology out.

_She is a friend who I would hate to lose over a misuse of a word. But she looks beautiful today even though she is covered in dirt. Probably training with Renji to vent out her anger._

"I'm sorry and I want you to know I value our friendship. I never meant to hurt you in any manner or disrespect you. Let me make it up to you by going out where ever you want."

Her big blue eyes narrowed and she bit her bottom lip, it was a quirky habit she had developed.

"Fine. I guess we can do it later on this week. I'm busy tonight."

A pang of jealousy hit. "With who? I mean doing what?" That whole sentence sound inappropriate.

Renji put his arm around Katsumi and smiled. "We're hanging out tonight as a celebratory thing for beating me in a race and putting up a good fight during training."

_It did not surprise me that Katsumi beat Renji in training, because she had a small curvy body that allowed her to not only be flexible but nimble as well. But Renji...I wonder if he finally made his move and started dating her._

"Again I apologize."

-.-.-.-.-.-

Shuuhei left us alone and I saw the look of relief on her face.

"Don't look so tense." I laughed

She sighed and smiled before playfully pushing me away. "I'm going to get cleaned up."

_I nodded and she left me alone. That was certainly a strange but happy outcome. I didn't think she would be happy about fighting. I saw a hint of 11th Division within her._

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

I could sense her nervousness as we walked outside. She couldn't stop expressing how excited she is about training, we kept the conversation going because I didn't want this moment to end.

It started to rain pretty heavily, so we picked up the pace and decided to run.

We arrived at my condo soaking wet, she was shivering.

"Hold on let me get you a towel."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

_I was a little nervous to be at Renji's condo, I have stayed with him many times before but nothing like this. His feelings have changed and I cannot exactly pinpoint them._

He came back with a towel draped over his head, his long red hair in his face. I reached up and struggled with my hair ribbon that was stuck in my hair. I groaned and growled because it was stuck in my hair.

"Relax, relax." Renji said taking my hands and putting them down. He pulled at one end of the ribbon and it came out easily. "Happy?"

He put the the towel on my head and wiped away some of the excess water that was running along my cheeks. I hid my face, and playfully pushed him away.

"Stop it." I whined.

"Are you whining?" He looked shocked.

"It is your fault. Stop doing what you are doing." I understood perfectly what came out of my mouth. But Renji was confused.

_Flirting! You are flirting with me and I don't know what to do! I could normally go a long with it but my heart is racing and I can't explain why. We are suppose to be friends._

I looked down and sighed.

"This isn't going as well as I would have liked." He said softly.

"Sorry."

"Stop apologizing. It is not your fault. It is mine. I guess I just picked up on the wrong hints."

"What are you talking about?"

"This is going to sound crazy. And you are more than welcome to leave when I finish." Renji took a deep breath and paced back and forth. "For awhile now I've had these feeling for you. Maybe I'm just picking up on the wrong hints and coming in at the wrong time. Things have been hard for you and being there for you has caused these feelings to develop."

_His confession shocked me, my heart racing. I wasn't sure what to say or do. _

"You know a lot about me; more than most. But I'm not sure what to say because with so much going on I don't want to drag you down and be a burden to you. I'm sorry Renji."

-.-.-.-.-.-

With that she was gone, the front door to my condo slammed shut.

"Fuck"

_I rushed in and made her feel cornered. She shut down on me. I knew I was going to fast, I should have kept my mouth shut! She was and never will be a burden._

_Hold steady. Years of past mistakes drag you down to the lowest you can go.  
Been getting heavy soon to let it break. It's times like these I expect for you to show._


	4. Chapter IV: Show Your Face

Author's Note: Thanks for coming back. If you are unfamiliar with the challenge I am doing you should read the Author's Note at the head of chapter I. The song I used in this chapter is _Show your Face_ by Balance & Composure.

* * *

Chapter IV: Show your Face

_Even though I was still upset at Shuuhei I decided to meet with him because I figured it would help get my mind off of the confession. I was still in shock and have skipped training with him for the past two days to avoid facing him, which meant I was back to my sleepless nights. It was very courageous of Renji to confess his feelings, but I meant what I said. I do not want to be a burden or feel like I need help._

The night time was always the best time to hangout, it was always so peaceful.

Shuuhei studied me and rubbed my head. "What's on your mind?"

"Just some friendship things."

"Need advice?"

"I think I can handle the few friendships I have."

"I believe you. But you seemed troubled so I thought I'd ask." he shrugged.

"It's just something I need to think about."

I looked up at Shuuhei and saw him look off into the distance.

_Something is bothering him, but knowing him he wouldn't ask for help or even tell me what is wrong. Even though we have our differences I still cared about him, I didn't want to lose him as a friend. I just hated that he read me like an open book at times and took advantage of that. Even though it gave him an advantage I still hated it. _

"We both have our demons." He said softly. "When I was younger, my friends and I got attacked by a hollow. They all died with the exception of two. I was saved by the ex captain of the 9th Division. I trained hard everyday since then to make sure it never happened again, I trained to be like him. I would never want anyone of my friends to get hurt or hurt themselves. I am grateful and I owe a great debt to the man who saved me."

I studied him and watched as he spoke to me. This was the first time I heard this story, I instantly saw a look of sadness in Shuuhei's eyes and sighed.

"Being saved by someone really does promote feelings of needing to become strong. It always has."

We both walked in silence, the peaceful area outside of the 9th Division was all trees, you could also see the river that ended in the 13th Division are and I believe starts in the 4th Division as a way to keep the patients calm.

"I still remember the night we stood up talking all night long." Shuuhei said breaking the silence, though I wasn't looking at him I knew he was smiling.

"Yeah?" I said cocking my head to the right.

"I remember you coming out of the tent you stood in with Renji. You had tears in your eyes and even though I knew you were crying and asked if you were okay you lied and said _I'm fine_. I knew straight from the start you were going to be hard headed. I saw you had the strength to get over whatever was happening, but were taken back by a lot of it. You were so shy to ask me if you could stay up with me." He laughed.

"Yeah because you intimidated me. You were an upperclassmen." I trailed off.

"My class standing shouldn't have provoked any fear."

"It did because back in the academy I was taken advantage of a lot by a group of upperclassmen. Renji fought them off and helped out."

I kept my mouth shut after that and bit down on my bottom lip.

"I didn't know about that."

"No one did. Don't say I should have spoken up because who would have believed me?" I sighed and rolled my eyes. "It is in the past. I'm here and I got passed it."

I felt his eyes on me and I just brushed it off.

"Keep telling the story." I begged so that we can move on and get away from the topic.

-.-.-.-.-.-

I watched her play with the end of her sleeves and kept her eyes on the ground. But I did as she requested and kept telling the story.

"In all reality I was suppose to make sure no one stood up, but I made an exception for you. I didn't want to force you to do anything and from the look of fear and sadness in your eyes I felt like I would have sentence you to some sort of prison. We talked about so many things such as my cooking, your love of painting, and our love for music."

I looked down at her and saw a smile appear on her face.

"How's the guitar playing going?"

"Good, still learning. How about that painting?"

She shrugged and didn't say anything.

"How is the 8th Division treating you?" I asked quickly changing the subject.

"Alright."

"Lighten up. What's wrong?" she was quiet and it was starting to concern me.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Truth is I didn't actually know what was wrong. I felt sad even though I should be happy. I was happy and then got sad opening up to him.

"I'm going to leave."

-.-.-.-.-.-

"Don't. I don't want you to feel this way when you go back."

_I don't want her to go back and feel as if she is alone in this fight. As if she needs to take on every battle by herself. I wouldn't let her do that because that isn't what friendship is about. I know she hates me for what has happened between us but the last thing I want is to make her feel as if she is alone. Feeling like that doesn't get anyone anywhere and it only makes depression grow._

"Shuuhei it's nothing. Don't worry about it."

She flashed a sweet fake smile.

"Don't tell me it is nothing. Why hide what you are feeling?"

She was quiet and started to walk ahead of me before she stop about 20 feet away.

"Because it is hard to speak when no one is listening. At least that is how I feel. I want to be able to properly express what is going on in my troubled mind without feeling as if I have done something terrible."

She continued to pace, before I took her hand. "Don't worry what others think. What matters most is getting the point where you don't care what others think and putting your health first. I know it sounds cliché but caring about what others think will only get you so far. You should take care of yourself first."

Her sleeves moved up and I saw her bandaged wrists.

_Renji wasn't lying when he said she hurt herself. Her eyes went wide and she pulled her hand out of my grip._

"Shuuhei..." she trailed off her voice soft and low. She was nervous and I could feel it.

"It's okay."

"But I..."

I shook my head. "You don't need to explain yourself to me nor anyone else."

She rubbed the back of her neck and stood quiet.

_Who else knew, her captain probably, Renji, and myself? Why not ask for help. Is it a pride thing? How long will it take before she finally ask for help? She's fallen so many times and continue to get up, but how many times will she fall victim to her own mind? Maybe she added pain to distract her from the the old. _

"Shuuhei, I know this seems bad but I'm okay." she finally spoke and when she did her voice cracked just a little.

"You've probably heard this speech a couple of times. But if you ever need help don't hesitate to ask for it. Friends and captains are here to help, granted Kyoraku treats you like a child sometimes but it is his way of making you feel at home. Renji and I will do our best to be here for you whenever you need us. I think your sane, you just need someone to lean on at times and that is what your friends are good for."

Her eyes wandered, she took a deep breath, ran to me wrapping her arms around me, and resting her head on my chest. My heart raced, and I looked down at her and smiled as I wrap my hands around her bringing her body closer to mine.

_Sometimes we are happy for just one moment and in that one moment we forget everything we __have been through. We let it slip away and just embrace the happy moment. We stop thinking about what is to come and what can happen. For that one moment we believe everything will be better, and we have hope that everything will be okay. I believe that everything will be okay, that she'll be okay once I let go. That she will ask for help and continue to smile. _

_ But as I start to feel a bit of negativity come back I realize that she is stubborn. But somewhere deep inside as I pull her closer to me I hope she'll prove me wrong. _

I heard her sniffle. "It's okay."

_Everything will be okay so long as we make the happy moments last. So long as we do not slip into the darkness, and if we do we must dig our way out in hopes of being happy once again. I don't want to see her hurt. Friend or not, no one should suffer this much in silence._

_Well I've been running away from you for the past couple years,  
spent my days down by the river,  
and hoped to see your face._

_Cause I've been watching closely, and you just wouldn't show your face._

_The sky's your window, but where am I hiding?  
I've been waiting._


	5. Chapter V: Finished with a Door Slam

Author's Note: Thanks for coming back. If you are unfamiliar with the challenge I am doing you should read the Author's Note at the head of chapter I. The song I used in this chapter is _Finished with a Door Slam _by Balance & Composure. This chapter is just a fun chapter, but a good read.

* * *

Chapter V: Finished with a Door Slam

_ Things were okay for awhile. Shuuhei and I got closer; he spent most of his free time with me which surprised me because from what I can tell he had a thing for Rangiku. Not only that but we got to know each other a lot more. Renji and I repaired anything that tore me away from him. He apologized but nothing was his fault and I told him that. While it is true I had minor feelings for Renji, I found myself unsure of these feelings. I did not want to act on anything especially 'ghost' feelings._

"Kat! It is time to get up and get you dressed!" Rangiku chimed in as she burst through my doors.

"No." I groaned from underneath my sheets and a pillow over my head.

"It is noon and the party is in a five hours."

"I don't care. I changed my mind."

_This party was something I regret agreeing to, it was a party for everyone to attend. I had no idea what the main point of it was but I agreed to it because Rangiku wanted me to attend. Over the course of the past two weeks Rangiku and I have become somewhat friends, she is the type of girl that loves drinking and lazing around. She apparently took a liking to me because of Shuuhei and Renji. The thing is we are complete opposites, I am quiet but Rangiku is loud and always ready to party._

"You cannot change your mind at the last minute."

"I can to!"

I was suddenly exposed to the cold Fall/ start of Winter air, I glared at her and saw my pillows in her right hand and my quilt and sheets in her left.

"Get up! Please!" She begged.

I groaned and peeled myself off the bed and sighed.

"You can get ready at my quarters." She stopped me in my tracks.

"But my clothes."

"I bought your dress, shoes, and I have accessories and makeup at my place. Don't worry about it."

"Wait what? Dress? Shoes? What are you talking about? I thought it was casual." I raised my left eyebrow and looked at her.

"Oh, well I lied. It was the only way to get you to come." She said in a sweet voice.

"I don't know how to walk in heels."

"Liar, you have heels in your closet."

"BUT!" She grabbed my hand roughly and started to drag me.

"Come on. It won't kill you to have some fun. You always do work just like Captain Hitsugaya. Plus you only hang out with Renji and Shuuhei. Where are your girlfriends?"

Rangiku closed my door as she dragged me outside in my over sized black sweatshirt and black baggy shorts.

"I don't have girlfriends." I groaned putting up a struggle.

"And that will change when you join the Shinigami Women Association and when you finish with this party." She cheered

I groaned and rolled my eyes.

_She cannot be serious right now, this is ridiculous. Getting dressed up, I'd rather take on guard duty._

Rangiku closed her condo doors behind me and put me on her bed.

"You are going to take a shower, and then you are going to come out with a fight and let me dress you up."

"I'm not a doll! I can dress myself up." I growled.

"Don't fight this. I know you want to look pretty for Shuuhei." She teased. "Or is it Renji?"

My face got hot and I swallowed hard. "What are you talking about?!"

"You spend most of your time with them so I figured one of them was your boyfriend. They don't talk about relationships with me but I know they talk to Ikkaku and the other men."

"I'm not dating anyone."

"That's a shame you are so pretty." Rangiku reached over and brushed my hair out of my face.

"I don't want a relationship."

"Well you can't help who falls for you and you have both those men wrapped around your little finger."

"What do you mean?" I asked tilting my head to the side.

"Aw you are so cute Katsumi!" She pinched my cheeks which made me grimace. "What I mean is that they would do anything for you; they care. Though you and Shuuhei have had your ups and downs you have been hanging out a lot lately. The same with Renji, and you guys have been together since the academy."

I was still confused and I did not want to continue this conversation, so I decided to take a shower.

This was absolutely the longest I ever took to get ready, Rangiku combed my hair and curled it, while she let my hair cool off from the heat of the curling wand she worked on my makeup. Our the makeup was done she braided my hair into what she called a loose fishtail braid. She merrily skipped to her closet and took out this lovely short white dress.

"This is for you." She said as she placed in on the bed. "You can put it on while I'm in the shower. No running away."

No words can described how beautiful this dress was. I took off the robe she gave me and put on the white dress. I don't know how she figured out my measurements but it fit like a glove. The dress was strapless, the sweetheart neck line really gave the dress a innocent look, the back had a deep cut that showed my whole back similar to my uniform, but it had a light pink ribbon crisscrossed all the way down to my lower back kinda like a corset. The sides were cutout and you can see my hips peaking through but a lace material kept it conservative. Being a circle dress, whenever I spun around the dress came up a little bit adding more to the innocent girly features. What made me a bit nervous was the fact it didn't have sleeves so it showcased my scars. I looked in the mirror and looked at myself, the eye shadow was an ombre look, going from a shimmery white, to a peach color, then finishing up with a copper color. She even put on a thin line of eyeliner on my upper lid and winged it out. Everything matched my light skin color.

_I'm grateful for everything she has done for me, this is a beautiful dress, the makeup, the beige pumps she got brand new for me. But truth be told I'm nervous. What is she talking about with Renji and Shuuhei? They are friends nothing more. _

I was snapped out of my daze by someone knocking on the door. I got up and open the door and saw Renji, Shuuhei, 3rd Seat Ikkaku Madarame, and 5th Seat Yumichika Ayasegawa. I backed away from the door and felt my heart beat faster. All of them were dressed in black suits, with a white button down shirts.

_You cannot be serious right now. What the hell kind of party is this!? _

"My, my you look beautiful. I don't believe we have met. I'm 5th Seat Yumichika Ayasegawa of the 11th Division." he said flashing a dashing smile.

"Oh yes, it is so nice to meet you Yumichika. I'm Katsumi Nakamaru, 10th Seat of the 8th Division."

"Yes, we have heard quite a lot about you from these two gentleman." Yumichika gestured to Shuuhei and Renji.

I smiled sweetly and tried to remember to breathe.

"Hey Katsumi, good to see ya again." I heard Ikkaku call as he sat on Rangiku's black leather sofa.

"Well Rangiku is in the shower and I think I'm going to head out."

"You can't leave to the party just yet. You need an escort." Yumichika said and I stop in my tracks as I went to pick up the beige pumps by the bedside.

"What?" I said in shock.

"Oh dear, you didn't know?" He shook his head. "Well these men still don't have a lovely lady to take."

My heart beat quicken, my gaze switched from the floor to Renji and Shuuhei.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

_She looks so beautiful, I never thought she would agree to being dressed up by Rangiku. But then again Rangiku probably treated her like a doll. Her lips coated in red lipstick. But I studied her face and saw that she was nervous, she kept playing with the end of her hair which was braided and tied with a light pink ribbon._

_She's going to leave._

She slipped on the beige shoes Rangiku left for her and looked up at us. "I'm going to leave. When Rangiku comes out please tell her I'm sorry." She quickly made an exit.

"Why did you say that Yumichika?" I snapped

"An attitude isn't well suited for you Renji. But it is the truth Renji, she needs an escort."

"I'm going after her." Shuuhei said as he made his way to the front door.

"I'm going as well."

-.-.-.-.-.-

"It's fine Renji stay and wait for Rangiku, I'll be right back."

"I'm already out here." Renji stated walking ahead of me.

_Why follow me, it will only take a second. And if she doesn't want to come she doesn't have to._

We arrived at her front door and I knocked once and the door opened. There stood Katsumi fidgeting with her bracelets that covered her arms.

"Why are you guys here?"

"Just thought I'd see what happened."

"It's fine. You don't need to do damage control all the time. I am perfectly capable of doing so." She snapped.

"What's up with all these bracelets you don't need them." Renji said peering into her room.

"I want them."

She struggled to take some off but eventually stopped after growling and groaning. "Fuck it! I don't want to go!"

_Something is wrong, she's tense, her spirit pressure is fluctuating like a roller coaster and you can see her light purple spirit energy seeping out._

"Can you guys leave!" She snapped as she started to untie the dress from the back, I closed the door behind me and looked at Renji who was leaning up against the wooden banister.

"What do you want to do?" I heard Renji ask.

"We can't just barge in and question her. What about Rangiku?" I thought about Rangiku coming in and trying to get her to open up.

"She doesn't know about her _problems_."

"We can't just pester her. She doesn't want us here."

After hanging out with her for a few days I have realized when to take a hint and just leave her be. I'm pretty sure Renji has learned this as well but just refuses to abide by it.

"Then I'll do it." Renji pushed by me and tried to open her door.

Something in me snapped. "Stop Renji, leave her alone."

"What the hell is your problem?"

"I don't care if you've known her since the academy. She doesn't want _us_ here."

"Back off! You want to go with your plan then go ahead!" He snapped.

Rangiku questioned us as if this was all our fault, as if we were the ones who made her run off and change her mind.

-.-.-.-.-.-

I heard a soft knock on my door, I sat down on the edge of my bed, thinking about what just happened.

_I just got overwhelmed but I don't know what to do. My mind is always racing and I cannot seem to calm it down._

"Come in."

"Hey Katsumi, what's wrong?" Rangiku asked as she sat on the edge of the bed with me.

Rangiku was wearing a plain black dress, that of course showed off her breast, but it was not as special as mine. While it had a lace detail when it came to the deep cut from the chest to her belly button it was just a plain dress that she matched with a pair of nude wedges.

"I just don't feel very good." I said truthfully.

_I was sick of feeling cornered. I just wanted to be alone._

"Why? Is it because you need to go with an escort?" She smiled.

"I just don't feel comfortable." I lied.

"I think you look stunning. I just wish you saw the same. But if you want my opinion. I think you are spending too much time with your thoughts and that is what is making you sick."

I clutched the edge of my dress and felt as if I wanted to cry.

"Don't cry, you are going to ruin your makeup. Plus you are too pretty to cry. Let me tie you back up." She said with a wide smile, she reached behind me and tied the pink ribbon in the back of the dress.

"About the escort..." I trailed off.

"Don't worry about it. I'm going to take Renji and talk to him." she patted my back. "Shuuhei come in."

In came Shuuhei with a small smile and his hands behind his back.

"You are going to take very good care of this sweet girl here and show her a good time." Rangiku said as she pushed him towards me as she left the room.

Shuuhei extended his hand to me and smiled. "Come on."

I took his hand and stood up, despite the fact that I had 6 inch heels on Shuuhei was still taller than me, I was about 5 inches shorter than him.

We arrived at the venue and haven't spoken a word to each other, it felt strange. The venue was filled with all Captains, Vice Captains, and officers of every division. The venue was huge, had marble floors, white cloaked tables along the sides, with black cushioned chairs, the center piece of each tabled ranged from flowers of each division, the walls lined with paintings, and pictures of the landscape around the soul society. Everyone was mingling in the middle of the room, people who I recognized were Captain Kyoraku talking to Captain Ukitake, Captain Kuchiki, and many others, Rangiku was always walking around talking to everyone.

I backed up into Shuuhei due to so much activity going on. "Don't be shy." he whispered.

I gripped his hand tightly and he smiled. "This event is held every year. You've never been to one?"

"No, I'm always out taking care of a mission."

"This is a festival we try to do once a year, it is a way to celebrate the end of Fall."

"That's strange, why celebrate the end of Fall?"

"I don't know, but it has been a tradition for a very long time."

Shuuhei snaked his left arm around my waist and bought me closer to him. I looked up and saw Captain Kyoraku look at me and a wide grin appeared on his face as he started to walk towards us. This was honestly the first time I have seen my Captain dressed up in a suit, up the black jacket piece was a pink vest similar to the floral lady's kimono he wore.

"I want to leave." I whispered to Shuuhei.

"Why?"

"Please don't make me stay. I'm a wreck." I whimpered.

"You look beautiful." his words gave me goosebumps, my face became red which earned a chuckled from Shuuhei.

"My, my Katsumi you look lovely." Captain Kyoraku called.

His voice sent shivers up my spine, I bit my bottom lip and turned to him. Rubbing my bare wrist with the exception of a gold bracelet with colorful gems on my left wrist, and a charm bracelet on my right.

"Thank you Captain Kyoraku." I gave him a soft smile.

"You know this is the first time I've seen you in a dress. It reminds me a lot of Nanao." he sighed with that Vice Captain Ise appeared and hit Captain Kyoraku, I gasped and looked at him.

"Aw, don't be that way lovely Nanao." he teased his voice playful.

Captain Kyoraku looked at my wrist and looked at me in the eyes. "Don't worry about tonight. Try to have fun."

He left us and continued to bother Vice Captain Ise while Captain Ukitake shook his head.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

From across the room I saw Renji glaring at me, I shook my head and looked back at Katsumi who tried to seem comfortable in her clothes. Even though her Captain reassured her, she was still nervous.

_She looks perfect tonight, even though her eyes are clouded with sadness she still tried to act as if she was happy. _

Katsumi let go of my hand and started to walk away from me, disappearing into the crowd. I followed her and tried to make my way through.

I saw her on the balcony looking up at the night sky, I approached her quietly.

"You want to talk?" I asked her.

"No, I'm alright. You should go in and have fun." She said with a smile. "I just got a bit overwhelmed."

"But I have fun with you around." I smiled and took her hand into mine.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Music started to come from the venue, it sounded a lot like Love in the Ice by DBSK a japanese boy band I remember listening to while I was in the Real World. I looked into the venue and some couples started to slow dance together.

"Want to dance?" Shuuhei asked.

I blushed and looked down. "I don't know how."

"Just follow my lead."

His hands around my waist and my hands drape on Shuuhei's shoulders resting my head on his chest. Foot movement was very minimal the only time we actually moved our feet was to turn, the song was what Rangiku called a "Hug and sway" song, meaning it is just a way to have people be close to each other.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

_Something about her really made me happy, this was never planned, unless Rangiku thought this all out. I don't know what she is trying to do, but she was starting to become a permanent part of my life._

_Then my thoughts left my tongue  
in speeches I had never planned._

_My brain wanders into a happier place_


	6. Chapter VI: Progress, Progress

Author's Note: Thanks for coming back. If you are unfamiliar with the challenge I am doing you should read the Author's Note at the head of Chapter I. The song I used in this chapter is _Progress, Progress_ by Balance & Composure. I would also like to thank **Mansdas2** for Favoriting & putting Only Boundaries on her list of story to get alerts from.

* * *

Chapter VI: Progress, Progress

The Winter has finally arrived and I felt as if though somethings didn't feel the same. The thing about the Winter is that it conflicted with my emotions, I was always depressed and I couldn't figure out why.

With the cold air kicking in I figured it was time to get something a bit warmer, I took a personal day and went into Rugonkai District to get a knitted scarf Rangiku recommended. As I walked through the districts something hit close to home, one thing I could never unsee was the people striving to feed their families and to make ends meet. And as the district number increases past 50 you can see the living standards decline.

As I made my way through the North Rugonkai I finally stumbled upon the kiosk that had infinity knitted scarves for sale in District 43, I purchased a dark red one and went on my way.

"Wait weren't you the last daughter of the late Nakamura family?" the shopkeep asked before I set foot out of his store.

"I don't know what you are talking about sir. Nakamura was just a name that caught on while I was in the academy."

"No, I can tell by your face. You use to survive in this part of the Rugonkai, in fact I always saw you around District 68."

His words hit a blank slate, I had no idea what he was talking about.

"The house you use to hide out in is still there. I doubt you have anything in there you still want but it is still there. Or what is left of it anyway. It is on the first right as soon as you step into the District."

I did not ask for directions but I nodded and thanked him for the purchase and left.

_Do I take a look at this place? I mean I didn't know what this man was talking about, in fact I barely stepped into the Rugonkai districts when I was a student in the academy. Should I go later? No! The higher the number the more dangerous the district is plus, it probably gets increasingly dangerous as the night crawls in._

I started to move in the direction of the upper districts. As the number of district got higher, so did the amount of people on the street, asking for money, food, and mostly importantly a second chance at life. I put the scarf around my neck and kept my head down as I walked.

_What the hell am I getting myself into? _

District 67 was coming to an end and all I received was stares and glances from residents. No Soul Reapers in sight. District 68 and I took the first right. The only house that looked abandoned was the one all the way at the end.

I pushed opened the door and the smell of rotten wood hit my nose, I buried my face in my new scarf that smelled like my vanilla body wash. I looked around; no one could live here at this point, to live here would be like commending yourself to Hell. The house was just one level, dark due to the evening light only shining through two windows, one by the kitchen and one by the front door.

"Shakkaho." I said softly and the medium orb of red energy formed in the palm of my hand, it brighten up the place a lot more and I was able to see my surroundings a lot better.

In the far right corner I saw names carved on the wooden wall: "Katsumi and Kiyomi Nakamura."

_Kiyomi Nakamura? Hm, that name doesn't ring a bell._

I looked at the roll-a-way bed beneath the carved names on the wood. The bed looked as if someone was here recently, the place was dirty but the bed was fairly clean.

I crouched down and found a slightly torn picture of two girls smiling and laughing._ Is this me?_ A short girl with short black hair, ivory skin, and big blue eyes. The girl I had my arm around had matching black short hair, and green eyes. I flipped the photo over and let out a sharp gasp. _Katsumi & Kiyomi._

"Who are you and why are you here?" I heard.

I quickly took the defensive and readied myself to fire the Shakkaho I had used for a source of light and turned around.

"Kastumi?" The young girl asked. "It's me Kiyomi."

I tilted my head to the side and gave the girl a confused look. _She cannot be my sister. I didn't have a sister._

"Your sister." She added. "You cannot be serious right now. Did you really forget about this district when you left?"

"I don't know who you are. I grew up on the streets of this district but I did not have a sister!" I raised my voice.

"What fantasy world have you been living in. Before living in District 68 we lived in District 44. And then we got attacked, mom and dad died and we were left alone. Don't you remember?! You told me you were going to find a way for us to live better so we didn't have to suffer! So we didn't have to battle for our food!" tears started to stream down her face.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

_"It'll be okay Kiyo! We'll be fine." I said trying to cheer up my younger sister._

_"How!? We've been relocated to District 68 and we do not have money to live. I don't want to sell my body!" She cried, I wiped her face dry and saw her green eye looking back at me._

_"You won't have to. Just stay here. I'm going to do what daddy did."_

_"Become a Soul Reaper?"_

_"It is the only way."_

_"You can't leave me here! Take me with you!"_

_"I can't. I don't want to put you through anything else."_

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The shock hit me hard, my eyes went wide as I studied the girl in front of me.

_Holy shit. This is for real. We are actually related and I left her behind. _

"Now you remember?!" She shouted in tears.

I nodded mechanically. My thoughts we jumbled, I couldn't speak, I couldn't move. We stood in silence for what seemed like hours, I guess she figured out I actually did not remember.

"What now? You have a home in the Gotei 13 am I right?"

"Yeah."

"I guess going to the academy is my only choice." she trialed off.

"What didn't you do that sooner?" I asked looking over at her.

"Because for some stupid fucking reason I thought you'd come back. I thought you'd come back and make everything better like you said you would."

Her words like daggers stabbing me in the back. I looked at her dressed in rags, I sighed and stood up.

"Let's go. We need to get you cleaned and dressed up so you can stay with me. Then in the morning I can take you to the academy so you can apply for late admission for the Spring."

"But-" She started and I cut her off.

"I don't want to hear it. I came back, years later but I'm here offering you assistance. I'm offering you a helping hand. Do you want it or not?"

"Alright I'm following."

I took her to District 43 and bought her some clothes to wear for the next day. With what I purchased for her we made our way to the 8th Division and to my quarters.

"Take a shower and go to bed. I have things to do. I'll see you at 9am sharp." I said letting my emotions shut down.

"Kat, aren't we going to talk?" She asked before I left her alone.

"About what?"

"What has happened the last few years."

I shook my head. "When we get you settled into the academy then we can."

"But-" I closed the door on her and left her in my room to sleep.

With my mind running laps I decided I needed to work it off, I went into the 8th Division training grounds and I started to punch the punching bag in the far corner.

"I hate being confused!" I growled as I punched the bag watching it swing back and toward me. "This cannot be for real. I don't remember anything! Why the fuck not!?" I punched it again.

"What's wrong Kat?"

"Shuuhei I don't want to talk right now." I groaned.

"Who says I'm here to talk?" He asked his teasing voice right in my ear, his hands slipping around my waist, hugging me from behind.

"Shuuhei." I whined as he closed the distance we had between each other.

"You want me to leave?" he asked his voice now full of concern.

"I don't know."

"What do you want then? This?" He asked kissing my neck.

"Shuuhei."

"What?" He laughed at me and the blush I had on my cheeks.

"Come on don't do this?"

_Ever since the Festival Rangiku arranged; things have kind of escalated between Shuuhei and I. I don't think we are dating but I know this flirting is something he does on a normal basis. Renji hasn't really said anything about it, we go on like we did before. He still trains me and takes me out, but it doesn't seem the same._

"Do what?" he said acting like a confused puppy.

"Play with me." I growled.

"Fine I'll stop." He let go of my waist and stood up tall. "What's bothering you though?"

I bit down on my bottom lip. "I have a sister."

"I thought you were an only child." he said crossing his arms.

"So did I. I went shopping for a scarf today in District 43 and the kiosk owner apparently knew me. He told me all this information about going to my old house in District 68."

"You lived in District 68?!"

"I don't know. I really don't. Apparently I did." I swallowed hard as I started to pace back and forth. "I found this girl there, Kiyomi. She was just sleeping in a broken down house and she had a picture of her and I as kids. I took her in and now she is sleeping in my room."

"You think you guys aren't related?" he asked.

"It ran through my head a couple of times." I answered honestly.

"Why are you so upset then?"

"Because I don't know if this is actually all true! I don't remember any of this and it upsets me!" I whirled around and punched the bag with all the anger that was coursing through my body. The punching bag flew off of the chain and landed about twenty feet away from me.

"You'll figure it out."

"When!? When will I figure all this out!?" I snapped

I started to feel dizzy, my legs felt wobbly, I fell to my knees and laid on the floor.

"Everything seems fake! I feel like this is just some illusion! Something I cannot snap out of! Nothing seems real!"

Shuuhei sat down next to me. "You're real and this is real. Where you lay at now is real. I swear to you, this is no illusion." His hand slipped into mine.

"Then why do I feel like it is?" I turned over and looked up at him.

"It's a lot to handle. Why don't you give the Shinigami Women's Association a try, I have a Men Association meeting tonight."

I sighed and sat up, no answer. Not that I was expecting him to give me one. "Okay."

He got up and pulled me up with him pulling my body close to his.

"Come on stop." I pulled away from him.

"Alright, I'll meet you later on tonight. Sound good?"

"Yeah." I nodded.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

This week's SMA meeting was nothing but talking, nothing actually worth attending. But I have skipped enough meetings to give in and go to one. Captain Ukitake was talking to Kira. It wasn't until President Iba started talking about the ladies over at the SWA that some men actually paid attention.

"What about that Festival Rangiku planned? That was an amazing evening. Wish we had more festivals like that. The ladies looked great and you guys really made me proud by going out and dancing with them. Especially you Shuuhei, you and that 8th Division girl." he teared up, all fake of course, teasing me.

I looked up from the floor and nodded.

"Yeah what's her name. She looked absolutely stunning." Harunobu asked

I looked over at the brown haired 4th division member and smiled.

"Katsumi Nakamura." I replied.

"Are you guys dating?" he asked me.

I stood quiet and felt Renji's eyes on me, I let out a nervous laugh which only caused them all to look at me.

"I mean you spend most of your time with her you might as well be dating or are you using her?!" Renji snapped.

"What is wrong with you Renji?" I growled

"Oh nothing except that you took her away." Renji scoffed.

"I did not, Rangiku paired her with me and we just clicked. I did no such thing Abarai."

"Men calm down. Shuuhei has not answered the question just yet and I'm awaiting an answer." the 4th Division member looked at me.

"No we are not."

"So you are toying with her, all the flirting you do!? You're just messing with her!?" Renji questioned.

"No, we are still just friends. I don't think she wants a relationship. I'm not missing with her Renji!" I snapped back.

"She probably just doesn't want one with you." Renji stood up and looked at me. "What makes this any different than the fuck buddy relationship you had with Rangiku!? You're gonna use her too!?"

The men fell silent and their eyes on us, as if a bomb just hit.

"I didn't use Rangiku! It was a mutual thing!" I stood up from my chair and put my sun glasses on the table.

"Are you going to coax her into doing that as well! Are you going to be the same as those fucking guys who took advantage of her in the academy?!" his voice was booming.

"What the Hell Renji!? I'm not like that!"

"Men calm down." President Iba tried to work his way into to the argument only to be pushed out.

"Renji stop acting out! Just because she clicked with me doesn't mean you need to think this situation is the same!"

"You want to repeat that!" Renji snapped. It wasn't a question, more of a threatening statement, he copied me and took a battle stance.

"That's it! One of you needs to leave." President Iba yelled. "

I rose from my chair and left the room, tying up my shihakusho.

_What Rangiku and I had was just a sexual relationship, nothing serious. Nothing for Renji to get so pissed about, he's just being defensive about her. I answered honestly, I wasn't sure if Kat actually wanted a relationship; she always brushed me off. _

"Shuuhei did your meeting end early?"

"No, I got into an argument. But it's alright. How was your meeting?"

"Alright, not something I would have expected." she let out a laugh.

I felt my stomach do flips and turn into knots. I went behind and hugged her, her body went stiff for a second but then she relaxed into my arms.

"Shuuhei?" she said softly.

"Hm."

"What is this all about?" she asked her voice soft and sweet.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

_This affection made me nervous, and giggly. All the things Rangiku told me what having crush feels like._

_ "It feels like butterflies are fluttering around in your stomach. You always get nervous when they are around and you do this nervous giggle. When they hug you, you get goosebumps. When you feel their heart beating fast when you have your head resting on their chest, you smile because you know you make them nervous. Does Shuuhei do that to you?"_

_ "Yeah."_

_ "You like him. When I was with him I felt none of that, it lasted about two weeks." She sighed but perked up "Ever since the festival you have been together as if you were born attached." _

_ "Aw Kit Kat you like Hisa Hisa? If he gives you the butterflies then you like him." Yachiru chimed in._

_ "Let him express his feelings first." Rangiku warned._

Shuuhei's breath against my neck gave me goosebumps, I shivered a little.

"Are you cold?" he asked. "If so we can go to my quarters- I mean just to warm up."

I laughed as he stumbled over his words.

"No, I'm fine. Let's go to Mt. Koifushi." I told him taking his hand.

We arrived at the top of the mountain over looking the wast plains of grass and trees. The night was clear and the stars were out, I smiled and stared in awe.

"It's so beautiful."

"Not as beautiful as you." I heard Shuuhei say under his breath.

"Huh?" I asked looking back at him.

"Nothing." he said rubbing the back of his neck and hiding his face in the black scarf around his neck.

"I heard you." I spun around and looked at him a smirk worked it's way on my face.

"Then why did you ask what?" he growled.

"Because I wanted to hear you say it to me and not the materials your scarf is made of." I laughed pushing him playfully, he lost his balance and bought me down with him. We fell onto the ground, me on top of him. I felt my cheeks get hot, I started to get up but he wrapped his arms around my waist and kept me there with him, my hands on his chest and my legs between his.

"Shuuhei..." I breathed.

"Katsumi, you're beautiful. You think the stars are beautiful, but not as beautiful as you." he said, in the moon light I saw a blush creep onto his face. I smiled and bit my bottom lip. My right hand over his heart and I felt his heart beat quicken. "I know we got off on an extremely bad point, but I hope that is cleared up. I'm glad we've spent so much time together. These past few weeks have been nothing short of amazing. Do you know what I'm getting at here?"

"Yes." I giggled.

"Good, because saying it was going to be hard." he breathed.

"But I want to hear you say it." I smiled.

"Katsumi..." he sighed, he took a deep breath and let it out. "I like you, not only because you are beautiful but because you are strong. You have a resolve that seems never ending and it is amazing to see you fight."

_I smiled and looked away from him, I felt overwhelmed. This wasn't like how it was with Renji. These feelings I felt coming from him kind of scared me in a good way. But I had my own feelings, my heart was racing and no matter how hard I tried to say something I always drew a blank._

"Give me something here, you're making me nervous." Shuuhei teased

"I don't know what to say." I laughed.

I looked at him and then down at his lips, he bit his lip and I watched them curl into a smile. One arm left my waist and I felt Shuuhei lift my chin up gently with his right hand so that my gaze can meet his. I felt his thumb rub my cheek softly, I smiled and closed my eyes resting my head in his hand. I felt his lips softly meet mine in a warm and welcoming kiss, my eyes shot open but I then relaxed and eased into it and closing my eyes yet again. I removed my hand from his chest and draped my arms on his shoulders, both of his arms were wrapped around my waist and they bought my body closer to his. The kiss was warm, passionate, but also a bit timid, he was nervous but trying to cover it up. He pulled away with a smile. I caught my breath and looked down at the grass.

"That was my first kiss." I mumbled.

"Wow, I feel special."

"Don't get cocky." I pushed him playfully.

"I wasn't kidding." he laughed. "Don't be so timid about kissing. It's natural."

"I know I wasn't the only one being timid!" I growled. "You were too!"

"I was not!"

"Yes you were. Your heart was racing and your bottom lip was kinda-" I felt his lips against mine and I immediately fell into his arms.

He pulled away first and left enough distance for us to breathe, our lips maybe about two inches away.

"We don't ever talk about me being nervous." he breathed.

"You were nervous. Your bottom lip was kind quivering." I grinned evily.

I rested my head on his chest and smiled._ Never did I think Shuuhei would be the one I kissed, I always thought he was cocky, too busy with work, and just never had time for anyone. That changed...I never thought I'd be here in his arms, I always thought it would be Renji because he helped me that day._

_Let's jump out a window  
Maybe we could fly  
Yeah, we talked a lot about it  
But never tried_

_And it's progress, progress if it's made  
As we watch it pass us by to fade  
A leap for all our mistakes  
Thought we would see a different shade_


End file.
